Fulfillment

So over the past week it's been a little depressing dealing with all of the Belmont stuff... I've literally been on the phone/on hold with financial aid every day (as well as everyone else apparently) to try to figure out my loan stuff and my pell grants. It didn't help when a friend called me asking where to turn in her check for school- her paid in full, ridiculous amount of money check that her dad could just write her. We also missed a white water rafting trip with some friends because with the semester starting, we just don't have extra money laying around. It also came to my attention that we have several couples who had children young, and are doing really well for themselves. (Granted, good for them, if they can still have fun, AND pay their bills.) So as I was moping around feeling sorry for myself b/c we can't just write a 14,000 dollar check for the semester, go on fun vacations on the spur of the moment, frustrated/panicking at the thought of the school canceling my classes because THEY haven't gotten my loan stuff situated, and pretty much staying cooped up in my house being a downer Debbie I realized how much of a brat I was being.

I am so blessed it's ridiculous.
1. I have a relationship with God and a knowing that He will always be there for me and will always provide for us.
2. I have a love that some people spend their lifetime searching for- a man that I can't want to grow old with- a man that wants me, all of me, forever- and a man that will always have my heart.
3. That whole roof over my head and food in my belly thing ;)
4. The opportunity to attend one of the best nursing programs in the South to be the only thing I could ever think of doing as a profession.
5. My health.
6. Some pretty awesome family and friends.
7. We don't have children.. While children are a good thing for some, right now it's not a good thing for us, no matter if we want them, our focus needs to be on school and fulfilling our dreams.

"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

So the next time I start to get all "life isn't fair" bla bla bla, I'm just gonna remember this list and be fulfilled. My journey is just beginning, and I'll have plenty of time to do what my heart desires :)

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

Granted, life will throw you curve balls. Sometimes you nail a home run, sometimes you nail a line drive, sometimes you nail the pitcher right back and sometimes you swing, miss and fall flat on your face. Me? I've never been good at baseball.

So in the midst of my busy, crazy life, it seems a lot easier to think about myself/my problems/my family. Today a good friend of mine did something that touched my soul. Even though she is BUSY and has way more things to think about besides me, she took time out of her day to do something really sweet for me.

I guess I'm just so used to everything being a dog-eat-dog world, where everyone looks out for themselves (esp in a competitive nursing program!) that I'm so surprised when people do nice things for me with no benefit for themselves:) The fact that this is surprising is almost sad don't you think? That the world and that people have become so "self concerned" that we forget to "spread the love"?

Anywho, I guess I'm just so thankful that there are still awesome people out there that haven't become tainted by the world, and that I have them as friends! AND that maybe I should work everyday to be like that ;)

Officially a Senior!

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose.' Romans 8:28

Well I've done it! It almost feels surreal, like I couldn't possibly be halfway through this journey I set out on. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically.

When I think back on all the hours I spent studying, the thousands (yes thousands) of notecards, and the weight of the medical books, I still know that God wanted me there, and he continued me on this path. I like to give credit where credit is due, and he get's a lot of credit! I know that that's where I'm supposed to be, against all odds, I've succeeded through him.

So I thank the Lord for giving me this amazing opportunity.

On a side note, I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to summer, for the first time in a year I get to read a book I want! I get to sleep in, my house gets to be clean, I get to spend hours with the puppies, AND I don't have to wipe anyone's butt for 3 months!!!!!

'What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us?' Romans 8:31

school

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. -Frederick Buechner

As I look at my schedule and count down the last 3 weeks of this semester, I have the strong urge to jump up and down! I'll have one year of the intense-ly hard nursing program down, and one to go. May 11th will be such a load off, to be able to have just a tiny, little break from the nursing school life. I can't wait to sleep, eat normal food, have time to eat, and relax for once.

As much complaining as I do during the semester, I can honestly look back and realize how truly blessed I am. I got into an amazing program, I have a lot of support, and the loans were approved to offer me this incredible opportunity. Something as simple as having a teacher tell us to write our first initial, our last name, and then RN at the end makes it all the more real. I will graduate, and I will be great at what I do!!!

I've learned so much over the past year, and still have a lot to learn! May 2011 can NOT come fast enough!